He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize