Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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