Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
In other news, I just burned my penis
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
