True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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