oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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