I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
