i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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