I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
