My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
