i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
