Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
