This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
