While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
