You really coming over, don't trick.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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