I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
