You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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