I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
