It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have aggressive nipples.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had to cum in my sink.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
