I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Did I show you my penis last night?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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