I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We are all done wearing pants today
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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