the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
