My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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