the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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