I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
