I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
