you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
