question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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