Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
