the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
