Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
