you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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