I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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