I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
