grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He shit in the fireplace
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
