I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I want her autograph on my taint
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
