Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
