Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
