I want to make a zoo with you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
