Say something about gay babies.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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