I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
