I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize