Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
please don't ironically join a cult
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