i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
