May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
