He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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