I can tuck mytits in my pants
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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