I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
