remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This baby is an asshole
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
