OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish you could order shots online.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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