i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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