At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
