After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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