If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
