pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
