is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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