did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
