I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
