Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
