Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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