What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
