I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish you could order shots online.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
