Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize