I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think your dad took our porno
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
