fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
