I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
