I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
