If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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