I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
