You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm both gender and math confused
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
