I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
