how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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