You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
