Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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