garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
