I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
