so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
