Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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