it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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