dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
