Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She's the barista slut.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
