Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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