maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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