I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Vodka?
Forever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
