dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize