alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
