I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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