i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
