just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize