Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
