I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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