maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
