I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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