im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize